How can I manage my anger?

In this post I will explore ways in which we can identify and manage our anger. For help exploring and managing your anger call on 07742 209312 or nicole@greenoaktherapies.co.uk

Anger is a natural emotion, which we all have., It is a very necessary emotion and so is not something we can simply ‘not feel’. However, anger can be scary for both the person who is experiencing it, and for the person who gets the brunt of it. We therefore learn to push it down. However, this is not healthy. Pushing anger down leads to it erupting in uncontrolled rage outbursts, or internalising it and it becomes depression. We therefore need to learn to no longer be scared of our anger (and that of others) and to effectively manage it.

Recognising your anger

The first step in managing anger is to become aware of its physical and emotional signs. These are unique to each individual and may include muscle tension, rapid breathing, clenched fists, and feelings of irritability. It is vital to recognise these signs early so that you can take proactive steps to address the anger before it escalates.

As soon as you recognise that you are becoming angry, you need to calm yourself down. When we get angry, we become very emotional, and our logical brain often goes offline. It is therefore necessary to calm down, to bring your logical brain back on board.

Remove yourself from the situation, if possible, as often it is hard to calm down in the same situation that has made us angry. Then try deep breathing, relaxation techniques or visualisations to soothe yourself physically and emotionally. If you are too wound up, you may need to do something to dissipate the anger like do some exercise, shout and scream, or punch a cushion before trying to relax.

Exploring your anger

We then need to work out what is going on. Why are we feeling angry? Anger is an emotional response to a situation, and it is usually a protective emotion. There is therefore often something about the situation that we perceive to be a threat to us or to those around us. Identify what the threat is.

Remember that anger is a necessary emotion. It has been caused for a reason. Do not judge yourself for feeling angry, you are not weak. Examine the situation that made you angry. Have you let someone cross your boundaries? Has something upset or hurt you? Anger often arises from feelings of frustration and helplessness.

Then decide whether this is a real or a perceived threat. We often get angry over things that our brains have interpreted as a threat, but which are not really threatening.  Identify and challenge any negative thought patterns that may have contributed to the anger. Try reframing the situation in a more positive or neutral light.

Managing your anger

Managing anger effectively involves recognizing the signs of anger, understanding its triggers, and then employing strategies to express it constructively.

1. Develop effective problem-solving skills. This may involve setting realistic goals, breaking tasks into manageable steps, and seeking support from others. Remember to be realistic and not expect too much from yourself.
2. Learn to communicate in a more assertive way. Express your needs, feelings, and opinions in a clear and respectful manner. This will allow you to address conflicts and grievances and express your anger without resorting to aggression or passivity.
3. Keep a journal to track your individual triggers and responses. This can provide valuable insights into your own emotions.
4. Start to include mindfulness or relaxation techniques into your daily life. This will help reduce your stress levels and help you to deal with your anger more swiftly and more effectively.

Get Help

If anger becomes overwhelming or unmanageable, seek help from a therapist like me. We can provide guidance on anger management techniques, address underlying issues, and support individuals in developing healthier coping mechanisms.

For more information on identifying and managing your anger, or just a chat, please contact me on 07742 209312 or nicole@greenoaktherapies.co.uk

Check out my other blogs:

What is Anxiety? – Green Oak Therapies

What is Depression? – Green Oak Therapies

Top 10 Ways to Improve Your Mental Health – Green Oak Therapies