February 23, 2023

How do I find my Happy?

Sometimes we have forgotten how to find the happy in each day. Here are some ways you can use to rediscover the simple happy things in life.

Written by

Nicole Biggs

Following on from my blog on the Power of Positivity, I thought that I would explore further how you can find the happy in each day.

One of the things that counsellors often get their clients to do is to think of three things each day for which they are grateful. These can be small things like I managed to get out of bed, or it could be big things like a promotion at work. This then forces you to change your perspective and find the happy in the day. By making this change once, it is easier to then do it again the next day. In this way it can slowly change your perspective.

This is not only useful for those with low mood and depression but can also help with anxiety. When people are anxious, they are usually overthinking and have poor concentration. Their view of the world confirms that they should be worried, and they see it as full of danger and worries. Getting people with anxiety to concentrate and notice things that happen in their lives helps to ground them and realise that the world is not so hostile, and also stops them overthinking.  

Being grateful also helps you to see what you do have. Our society concentrates on what you don’t have. Adverts on TV, online and on social media constantly tell us that our life will be better if only we had ….. However, this is not true. You do not need the latest iPhone or to be slim and pretty to be happy. You can be happy just the way you are. Stop waiting for your life to start and enjoy it now.

Our consumer culture keeps us striving for more and more, and everything is kept just out of our reach. This is designed to make you spend money, to buy the latest products, to have the same things as your friends. However, it does not make us happy. In fact, it often makes us miserable as we are left feeling that we are not enough, we do not have enough, and we have to try harder. We have to realise that things do not make us happy. It may bring joy as we are unboxing the item, but then the joy fades and we are left looking for the next thing that claims it will make us happy. We need to step off the consumer treadmill and work out what makes us happy for ourselves.

As we are so busy with our everyday lives, we often do not pay attention to the things around us. We do not take time to notice when something or someone has made us happy. Therefore, slow down, take the time to appreciate the wonderful things in life. The smell of fresh coffee, the way a hug from your child feels, the memories a photo may bring back, the way a music track can affect you. Find and notice the happy in each day, as it is usually there but we are too busy to notice it.

There has been research recently on laughter, and how this can help relieve tension and improve mood. You can now attend laughter workshops and retreats. Whilst this laughter is forced at the beginning, it soon becomes genuine. I agree that laughter is great for our mental health, and I think laughter must go hand in hand with fun. As we get older, we are told by society that we have to be serious and cannot have fun anymore. Fun is seen to be childish. However, the truth is that everyone needs fun and laughter. It is an essential part of life. Fun and laughter are great stress relievers. They also help to cement our relationships, enabling us to trust and get to know others as well as helping us to get closer to them. 

A lot of us have a critical voice inside our heads that makes us feel bad. This voice can erode our confidence, make us anxious, and bring our mood down. Changing this to positive self-talk can make such a difference to our mental health. Surrounding yourself in positive affirmations and images is the first and most important step in learning change this self-talk. Some people write these affirmations on post-it notes and stick them to their mirror, others have posters, or books.

There is an old Native American story of there being two wolves inside you, one good and one bad. They are constantly fighting with one another, and the one who wins is the one you feed more. Start to feed your good and positive wolf and learn to ignore the bad wolf of self-doubt and criticism. You will soon see the negative thoughts becoming less powerful and quieter.

Find the joy in life, let yourself laugh and have fun.

Notice the good stuff, don’t just concentrate on the bad.

Slow down and pay attention to the good things in life, savour them.

Be grateful for what you have, instead of concentrating on what you don’t have.

Be your own best friend and learn to recognise your own good deeds, habits and characteristics.

Boost your self-confidence and look for the good things in yourself every day.

Everyone deserves to be happy.

For more information, or just a chat, please contact me on 07742 209312 or nicole@greenoaktherapies.co.uk

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