February 16, 2023

How does a Relationship Breakdown affect your Mental Health?

A relationship breakdown causes a cascade of emotions, and if you are not careful it can really affect your mental health.

Written by

Nicole Biggs

Having worked as a Family Solicitor for almost 20 years, being a divorced woman. and a child of a very messy divorce, I believe that I have a very unique perspective on Divorce and Separation.

The minefield of emotions that you experience when you are separating is one of the main reasons I decided to train as a counsellor. I wanted to not only help myself through this horrible time, but I also wanted to be able to help my legal clients more. They were going through one of the most emotional times of their lives, and yet I was asking them as their solicitor to make incredibly important decisions that would affect the rest of their lives, and the lives of their family and friends. 

Emotions do cloud your judgement, this is unfortunately inevitable. It is incredibly hard to make decisions about where you are going to live, how you are going to divide the finances, and how you are going to manage to co-parent the children when you are in such an emotional state. One minute you are worried and scared as you are all alone, your world has fallen apart. How will you manage? The next you are angry and vengeful, how could the person who knows and loves you the most do this to you?

You therefore start to feel hopeless, unloved and down. Your children are your most precious things in the world to you, and you are desperate to protect them, and yet you are terrified that they will be taken away or poisoned by your ex. Your ex may have even found someone else, and your jealous streak comes out making you feel betrayed and angry. You definitely do not want your children to see this other person, and for them to become a new parental figure.  You cycle through these emotions on an hourly basis, let alone a daily basis. How can you be expected to make such important decisions when your world has been turned upside down, and nothing will ever be the same again?

I am therefore on a mission to help people who are separating from their partner to navigate this awful landscape. I believe that everyone who is separating from their partner would benefit from counselling. This is essential to enable them to make rational, proper decisions about their future ensuring that emotions do not cloud their judgement. Helping them make sure that they reach an agreement that is in the best interests of all of the family. If emotions are allowed to cloud decision making then there is a risk that it will end up being more painful, take longer, and be more expensive to sort things out legally and practically. In addition, there is a danger that these emotions will affect the whole family, and in some cases for years to come. 

A relationship breakdown can cause the following emotions:

  • Anger and resentment
  • Anxiety and panic
  • Fear and vulnerability
  • Loneliness and rejection
  • Confusion and instability
  • Jealousy and revenge
  • Pain and suffering
  • Failure and helplessness
  • Indecisiveness and Worry

No matter how amicable your split tries to be, it is hard for everyone involved. It will inevitably have an effect on your mental health. It is therefore vital that you acknowledge this and take steps to address your issues.

For more information, or just a chat, please contact me on 07742 209312 or nicole@greenoaktherapies.co.uk

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