July 14, 2023

The Greatest Love of All

I thought that I would write today about the need to love yourself, which in the immortal words of Whitney Houston is of course ‘the greatest love of all’.

Written by

Nicole Biggs

I thought that I would write today about the need to love yourself, which in the immortal words of Whitney Houston is of course ‘the greatest love of all’.

What do I mean by loving yourself?

It is important to know that you are a good person, a worthwhile person. To feel comfortable in your own skin. If you met you, would you want to be your friend?

British society tells us that if you like yourself, then you are horrible vain person. Afterall, Brits don’t boast. However, I am not talking about being vain, selfish and cocky. I am talking about feeling good about yourself. Being the best person, you can be. Making the most of your talents and qualities. Feeling comfortable in your own skin.

How do I start to love myself?

Your view about yourself is called self-esteem. This is different to self-confidence. Confidence is about the ability to do stuff, how we project to the world. You can be confident and have terrible self-esteem. Confidence can be a mask that you wear, but you can feel awful about yourself underneath.

Here are some tips on how you can build your self-esteem and start to love yourself:

  • Be kind to yourself – This isn’t just about face packs and baths. It is about listening to yourself and tuning in to your own needs and desires. Allowing yourself to stop and rest when you are tired. Being OK with not being OK. Stop listening to your inner critic. Notice your talents and attributes and stop pointing out your flaws. Celebrate your wins, not your failures.
  • Stop putting yourself down – It may seem like a good idea to fit in with others, but what you say about yourself matters. Even if you self-deprecate as a joke, stop doing it. You are undermining yourself, letting people know that it is OK to not value you, and you are eroding your self-esteem. You will start to believe what you say about yourself.
  • Don’t people please – In the UK we are often brought up to please other people. To put other people’s needs before our own. This is somehow seen to be good manners. However, it is very corrosive to our self-esteem. We send the message to ourselves and to other people that we are not important. Start to believe that you are important. Only do what you genuinely want to do for others. Stop making yourself do things that irritate or inconvenience you.
  • Fill up your own cup –If you imagine that everyone has a cup of energy, good will, happiness (whatever you want it to be really). We are so busy trying to top up other people’s cups, that we forget that you cannot do this until you fill up your own cup. You cannot give from an empty cup. If you are exhausted from running around after other people, you will not be able to be truly present for your children, or job (or whatever is actually important to you). Therefore, it is very important to work out what it is that helps to fill up your cup, and to ensure that you do this regularly. It is also important not to let your cup get too empty.
  • Surround yourself with people who support and appreciate you – It is very hard to build your self-esteem if you are surrounded by people who constantly tear you down. Do a life laundry list and work who makes your life better. Who can you rely on? Who thinks that you are great? These are the people you need to nurture relationships with. These people can help you build your self-esteem. In fact, it is often a joint enterprise, with both of you lifting each other and yourselves up.

So, start a love affair with yourself. Put yourself first. Learn to like yourself. Maybe do some self-development. Maybe take a holiday. Maybe just learn to say No more. Start to let in the greatest love of all.

For more information, or just a chat, please contact me on 07742 209312 or nicole@greenoaktherapies.co.uk

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